For the past few days I’ve been trying to figure out what is next for me? I had just come back from shooting a documentary with my friend Ashley L. Hill, which will debut in the summer. My week started out fine and then my boss said to me, “Willie we’re going to have to let you go.” What? I’m fired. In that moment all I could think of was what I needed to do, next bills are due soon & I thought things were going fine. I had done my best at this job, given lots of energy, and structure to this company. Then it dawned on me, I always knew this could happen because I’m as disposable as anyone else.
What I learned from this experience is regardless of what anyone says about me always stay true to my principles, which I did. I turned in my keys, left with class. I handled the situation well. I was still in shock because I didn’t know what my options were. Instead of going into a depressed panic state of mind, I went into a handle your business frame of mind. I made all the necessary phone calls to secure my finances and get a handle on my debts. I’ve had many jobs over the course of six years and never been fired from one of them. The big blessing behind this one was it was the first time I was fired and at least it wasn’t over anything major. Things could’ve been handled differently, but it all went the way it was supposed to go. I had people smiling in my face and giving me compliments, but behind my back they were trashing my name and putting me in a negative light.
One of the biggest threats to anyone is a confident person. I didn’t wear my confidence on my sleeve, but I respected everyone and got the same in return. So the days that followed everything came at me all at once. My mom was needier than she had been in the past because she thinks now that I had some time off, I was open season. Then I was trying to make time for myself, but it wasn’t working out as I planned. A few days before the news came my heart had been giving me an extra beat, but I didn’t know why? Then I started to feel tightening in my chest. I told my friend, Lauren about it she said, “Go get that checked out. Don’t play around with you chest.” When the tightening came back again Saturday, I went to the emergency. It had stopped by the time I got there, but my doctor gave me an EKG & a chest X-RAY. I never thought at 25 I’d have an EKG done, but my family had a history of high blood pressure, strokes, & heart attacks. So I wasn’t taking any chances. My blood pressure was normal and my doctor said that my EKG & X-RAY came back normal, oxygen was flowing well throughout my body.
While I was in the ER I met a nurse and quickly told her what had happened to me over the past few days. She said that I sounded like her because her Mom had breast cancer a few years ago. Everything fell on her and she became the co-dependent to her mother, though she had 6 other adult siblings that were capable of helping out. She later told her mother that she could no longer do everything & take care of her family too. I understood exactly what she meant and knew that I was going to stand firmer on my decision to limit access of myself to everyone. The biggest hurdle is my mom because she’s very self-absorbed when it comes to her problems & I’ve always been the safety net. Mind you, I have an older brother and he doesn’t do half of what I do to help out my family.
The reality of things hit home for me when my doctor said, “Whether you stay strong or not, losing you job was an emotional blow.” I never thought about it that way. I just took it as a loss, but never let it fully register within me. On the drive home I reflected on what was said and started to come to terms with the emotions of it all. I cried a few times and wrote in my journal about my feelings. I got a lot of support from my family and friends. There are a few people I’ve let go during this process because their priorities didn’t match mine. If I’ve been there for you in your time of need and you can’t even listen to me vent for 5 minutes of your day, then be GONE!
It’s all still fresh for me because I didn’t see this coming at all. I was blindsided and not expecting this to happen. I know this is another stepping stone for me and adds to the triumph of the Starrah Movement. I don’t feel sorry for myself, nor am I sitting in a place of anger for other’s actions because I’m responsible for myself. And This Too Shall Pass.
Starrahs have you ever been in a situation where you had a huge set back, but was able to overcome those adversities? Share you’re thoughts…
In my next blog post I’ll tell you all how I’m dealing with things now and the people who spoke to my heart.