I have a lot to be thankful for: I’m alive, got a roof over my head, and focusing more time on writing. After I lost my job stress consumed me for a few days and my brain was wrapping around how to survive. I have little money and bills are due soon. So I went to the one place that many of us go to when we’re down and out, church. Due to the job I had my Sundays were spent opening the store, so I had to temporarily abandon going to church. I have a strong relationship with God and know that church is carried with me in all that I do. Still I hadn’t been to church for a while my energy was not there. An old friend of mine invited me to visit his church and I contemplated if I would. I did say “Yes,” but had no obligations to him or anyone else for that matter.
Sunday morning had come and I was in debate mode as to whether or not I was going to walk two minutes up the street for a word from God. I showered, got dressed, and started the quick commute to the Lord’s house. As I entered the church I felt odd because here I am struggling and now entering a place where I hoped my prayers would be answered. I saw a packed congregation, the choir was jamming, and my Mom in the back row. I joined her and listened with an open ear to everything going on around me. I felt at home and glad I no longer had work obligations, which prevented me from coming to church. Sometimes we go through periods of sacrifice and then a shift happens where some of the things we put on hold can now take form in our lives. For me I never put God on hold, I always held him in my heart and during our daily chats we’d catch up on life.
As I got more comfortable as the service continued my energy was still unsettled. Had I made the right decision? Should I have stayed home? What was I suppose to learn today? The time had come to hear a word from the pastor. Growing up in church I always looked forward to hearing what the pastor had to share with the congregation. As I got older I understood the importance of being attentive in church because the messages could benefit my life in various ways. We got up and had a quick fellowship prayer welcoming Pastor Washington as he brought forth the word. I was anxious as to what MESSAGE I would receive. Pastor Washington talked about being BLIND willingly and not seeing our blessings.
We got about our daily lives and are sometimes so stubborn to step out on FAITH and do what we’re called to do. I have held my faith in high regards over this past year. And I am being tested in ways I never knew. So many people are inspired by me and what I do in life. They watch the moves I make personal/professionally. He went on to say, “People say its lonely being at the top. No it’s not there’s just not a lot of people meant to go with you there.” That clicked with me because my circle is always being cleaned out, only allowing room for those who push me further positively and are not afraid to be honest with me.
When I told some of my friends that I lost my job they said “Not you. You’re always doing great at your jobs.” I’m still human and nothing is guaranteed in life regardless of how great of a worker I am. I can lose my job like anyone else, but the question than becomes what happens after that? Do I wallow in sorrow? Panic stressing over my finances and how I’ll make money? Or Take control of my life and follow the path I am destined for? Being in church is a place that is personal and sacred for me. I lay my burdens down and get focused on my spiritual self.
The sermon was over and it was time for anyone to come up and get a special prayer said for them. I was hesitant at first because my mom wanted me to go up there, but I wasn’t ready. Then my friend said, “Willie come on up there with me and get a special prayer.” I was still hesitant and said, “No, God knows my heart I already got my prayers answered.” Next thing I know my feet were moving towards the pulpit. I got to the pastor who I had never seen before and this was my first time at this church. He said, “I know you’re going through a lot. You weren’t sure about coming to church today. Things should’ve gone differently, but they didn’t, it is what it is. You’re stressed and carrying a lot of HURT. I don’t know you or what happened, but all I can say is keep coming. Release some of the hurt and pain.”
Tears instantly flowed down my face as one of the missionary ladies hugged me and I released some of my pain. I was cracked open and bare in front of God. All I can remember is saying in my head, “God you got me open and I’m ready to whatever is next for me.” I cried so hard and felt whole again. I do so much for others and now the focus was solely on me. I went back to my seat and cried more tears. I was releasing so much of the pain I had carried for many years beyond just losing my job. These past few years alone have kept me busy being the golden Starrah. I was always fixing everybody else’s situations while putting my dreams on hold. Later on that same lady came to me and said, “Young man God led me to you.” I am leery of people who say that because you never know if their message is clear or just propaganda.
For some reason I felt her connection was genuine, so I listened to her message. She said, “Young man you’re special. You and God have a special connection. You don’t have to apologize to anyone about anything. God forgives all and he knows everything about you. Keep him close and always talk to him. You don’t have to explain yourself to nobody about what you’re going to do.” I was in shock because this woman didn’t know me and said things that no one else knew about. In some ways she was right on the money as to where I was at this point in my life. I’m at a crossroads because I can make time to for myself and expand my brand. I want to move out-of-state soon because I know my time in Cleveland is getting shorter and I’ve outgrown this place. I’ll always have a home here and can come back to visit, but I’m meant to go further with my career and inspire more Starrahs in the world.
In a lot of ways I feel FREE having lost that job because it became stressful for me, but I always knew it was a stepping stone for my destined dream. I still have opportunities opening for me and I have time to pursue the things that are important to me. Such as journaling, reading, and of course finishing my college guide-book. So many things I was working on got lost in the shuffle. Now don’t get me wrong I’m on the pursuit for a new job, but I refuse to take the next best thing just to live miserably. I want my next job to use my gifts and talents, not keep me on idle ground. I am a vessel of influence and have the ability to change the world and my surroundings. Why play it small? I’m over being good enough, because my work ethic is Starrific.
Hey Starrahs what changes are you making in your life this year to make 2012 count?
On The Move,