Friendships are there to show us how to grow. I always thought people that grew up with me would be present in my adult years. Some have and some have moved on. I learned that once boundaries are set, friends will either accept them or not. The bigger picture is as we grow more into our authentic self the friends around us compliment where we’re going. Otherwise they become stumbling blocks and distractions to our dreams if we allow them. I came up with four indicators on when its time to call a friendship quits.
1) It’s Always Your Fault– Regardless the problem you and your friend may be having. The blame is placed solely on you and your friend cannot take responsibility for their role in the situation. Each time you tell them their problem they flip it back on you. One sided friendships happen more as we get older. It becomes difficult for people to express their feelings and concerns. If you find yourself in this kind of a situation know that it may be time to take a break. Most people don’t realize the importance of a good friendship until it’s gone and some don’t recognize how vital you were in their life.
2) Friendship Loses Value– Most of us place our friendships on a pedestal of strong meaning in our life. Friends normally come after family in the level of important people. We share our secrets, dreams, hopes, and sad times with our friends. I remember when my father died and how many of my friends comforted me; whether it was a card, phone call, or visit. All of their support meant a lot to me. However, as time went on I realized that my goals didn’t match some of my friends and we were in two different places in life. When I saw some of them we barely could hold a conversation or they felt threatened by my successes: college degree, play productions, building a brand. There were a few who felt that because I am living out my dreams that I had become better than them. The reality was I am better than no one, but I do have a higher worth than some. I refused to down play my life to feed their lowered self-expectations. The bottom line is to know what friendships add value to your life and which ones to deposit back into the universe.
3) Communication No Longer Exist– In any relationship communication is key, but in friendships it’s a top priority. Communication is one of the fastest ways to know if your friendship still exists. For instance, one time I called a friend to share some important news with them about my career. When we talked that friend wasn’t present and the conversation became about them and their problems. Then they called me a few days later to share some of their good news and I tuned them out too. That was a clear sign that communication was fizzling and there was no turning back. I thought back to how close we used to be and the strong connection we had, but it wasn’t the same. I’m all for change as long as the person’s character is still intact. I no longer felt the need to communicate what was going on with me because I knew that person couldn’t support me the way I deserved. Communication is a foundation that needs constant building if you can’t be free to express how you feel then it may be time to reevaluate the friendship.
4) When Your Friendship Stifles Your Growth– As we get older our surroundings change. You may have grown up poor, but are now living within your comfortable means. You’re able to buy a home, new car, or take that cruise to the Bahamas for a week. Some of your friends may still live in the same neighborhood you grew up in or continue doing the same things they did as teenagers. Whenever you go back to you neighborhood you see that friend and they look at you funny or says “You’ve changed.” I sure hope many of us have changed because we’re supposed to. I can’t be saying that I’m a Mogul, but take no actions to become one. I have to connect with other successful people making an impact in the world and I can learn from them. There are going to be friendships you have to let go due to the changes happening in your life. Even if you’ve been friends with someone for over 20 plus years that doesn’t guarantee them access to the perks to your life. It doesn’t guarantee that they’ll still be loyal to you. Success changes you and the friends around you too. Suddenly that friend who never asked for money, starts asking for a few thousand become they feel entitled to it. I encourage us to never let anyone attach themselves to your successes for personal gain. What people fail to realize is…. It’s your success, which means you handle your rewards your own way.
I learned a lot during my college years and early twenties about friendships. How they change? How friends react to my successes? How many friends are rooting for me and not jealous? Friendship is about building a bond that helps balance one another. If we’re both successful in our brands then there is no need for competition or to feel threatened. To the friends that are in my circle and creating your path, your way I am honored to watch you grow. Understand that this isn’t about me; it’s about us all growing more into the Starrahs we’re meant to be. Friends are the reflections of us make sure you’ve got the best ones representing who you are.
Tell me Starrahs how many friends did you have to let go or rebuild your connection with?
Staying Well Connected,
Willie J
allthingswilliej 